The Slippery Slope of Social Media and Its Effects on Ego
You could argue that social media has always been fundamentally rooted in a desire for content creators to show off - themselves, their skills, their lives, their opinions - to seek acknowledgement and praise for what they post - and on the other side of the equation, the intrigue that viewers have to peek inside the lives of others to seek inspiration, learn something new, gain insight and…judge.
When you strip it all back, this is the basic equation of social media. Two sides of the same coin. Seeking attention and giving attention. For me, the only place where this equation doesn’t really exist is when a large business or entity posts - like maybe National Geographic, or I don’t know, the BBC. There’s nothing personal in this content - it’s one large entity not represented by one person so the content creators and the viewers are removed from this personal contract that is otherwise present on social media.
I am both a content creator showing myself off and a viewer wishing to gain insight, receive recommendations and judging others. Many of us are on both sides of this equation. I have been a content creator for about ten years (I know…how time flies) and in that time I’ve seen the waves of change crash over Instagram and witness its effects on the people that use the platform.
the negative consequences
Plenty of attention is given to the negative effects of viewing social media, especially as it relates to the alarming increase in anxiety, depression and related health issues of girls and young women, stemming from feeling pressured to measure up and leading them to question their success, identity, beauty and talent as a consequence. But what of the other side of the coin? There is, naturally, an equally negative aspect to creating the content too - the slippery slope of seeking attention on social media and linking you or your business’s worth on the praise and attention of others. These two negative impacts are intrinsically linked.
Over the years, as Instagram has grown to become one of the biggest marketing tools available, the pressure to keep ‘showing up’ on the platform and to reveal more and more of yourself and your life in order to gain traction has become an insidious form of egotism.
a simpler time
In the early days of Instagram the platform had a gentler approach to content creation. It was initially populated by creatives who were sharing their work and some individuals sharing their lives, but it was all pretty low key. There was no monetisation so consequently there was less pressure. The format for sharing was a single still photograph with a story-like caption - and there was only one way to communicate - a post. Quite quickly communities and friendships started to form on the platform (one of the nicest aspects to Instagram that endures today). Hashtags were a way of seeing content that you liked and there was no algorithm predicting your desires. Instead, the algothrim was a simple chronological one. Whatever was newest showed up first. You had the chance to see all the accounts you followed because as long as they had posted, it would show up in your feed. There wasn’t really a way to ‘game’ the system. Everybody’s content was treated equally. As a result, there was a freedom to create without an overlay of trying to manipulate the algorithm to seek engagement.
The other biggest difference was that viewers had time to comment and interact with the content they were seeing. There wasn’t a deluge of content coming their way - most accounts just posted one photo every couple of days and because there were no Stories, Lives, Carousels, Reels or ‘Links in Bio’, it meant that the single interaction you had with the business or individual was generally more meaningful. Hence the rise in a sense of community and connection.
the birth of ‘personal branding’
Around 2016 that all changed with the introduction of a new algorithm that aimed to predict what we wanted to see. And following that, the introduction of advertising, designated business accounts and an expansion on how to share content - Stories, Lives, Links, Reels, Shares, Saves etc. It was around this time that the phrase “personal branding” started to become a buzz word. I remember finding the idea of having a personal brand kind of alarming (I still find it unsettling) - why would I want to treat myself, an individual, like I was a brand? By now, the idea of a personal brand has become synonymous with content creation - no one even thinks twice about it. The individual has become the brand - a sort of ultimate brand ambassador for their own lives and businesses with a blurred line between what is work and what is just their own private life. It seems everything is up for grabs in the pursuit of gaining engagement and algorithmic approval.
With it comes the slippery slope of living a life online that is justified as ‘creating brand awareness’ for a business, or simply creating a ‘brand’ out of ourselves and our lives. Many now combine these different aspects of self promotion in their content creation - showing up on Instagram as a brand ambassador for their own business, as a ‘personal brand’ showcasing themselves and their lives and as an influencer for other brands. How could anyone participate in so much content creation around themselves and not have it affect their ego and sense of self worth? When everyday there is a calculation for what you will post, videoing or photographing ordinary tasks, asking family members to capture you on holiday, shopping, drinking coffee, catching up with friends, going out on a date night, taking your kids to the beach…with the aim to gain the most amount of attention, it is easy to see how skewed a sense of self becomes. If you are employed as an Influencer, then fair enough, it is inherent in your job spec that you showcase yourself and your views, as you are paid directly to do so. But what of everyone else?
the dilemma for business owners
If you are a business owner, this race to attract attention is often considered necessary as the only way to get ahead on social media and in turn, increase sales for your business. But is it? Or, is this what we tell ourselves because the truth is, seeking attention is addictive and it feels good to get positive affirmation? Probably it’s a combination of both. You will often hear business owners lament that social media is “taking over their lives” but I sometimes wonder if we also don’t really want it to end - all of us chasing the attention or the elusive piece of content that will convert into a tsunami of sales.
The affect of so much self promotion tied to business outcomes can lead to burnout, or worse. What starts out as feeling fun - creating content and having people respond positively - can over time become a burden, leading to a feeling of entrapment. And it can also drag down your ability to feel good without all the external validation. None of us are immune to this - it’s a simple human need to be liked and social media just supercharges this need. As we look to gain more attention, we risk crossing the invisible line into simply appearing egotistical and this is when the backlash can begin. Often behind the scenes and unbeknownst to us. The ‘shares’ which we calculate as positive engagement are maybe not all that they seem to be. One business owner I spoke to recently said they had stopped putting themselves on their Instagram feed when a comment was accidentally shared to them. It was a conversation between two followers - one of them a friend, who were taking aim at what they saw as ego posting. The business owner was understandably upset and hurt. They had initially started to post themselves more often on Instagram because it was the prevailing advice for how to get ahead - only to find that after a time, it had actually become a turn-off for followers who tired of seeing the business owner and perceived it to be egotistical.
A couple of small business owners I know on Instagram recently closed their businesses - partly because the market they were in had become tough and sales weren’t what they once were, but both of them also expressed a deep sense of exhaustion around social media and the pressures it had created in their lives and on their business’ success as a key reason they wanted to walk away. Both had been operating their businesses for quite a few years. I think this kind of small business burnout is real and prevalent. When I chatted with both of them I sympathised around the social media piece and later when I was reflecting on my conversations, I thought about the fact that social media both builds up businesses and then has the ability to grind them down. Without the pressure of social media and ‘showing up’ with fresh content so consistently, it’s possible that both of these businesses would have continued. Perhaps they would have had to diversify product ranges or rethink pricing strategy, but I wonder if finding the energy to tackle some of these other areas of business might have felt possible without the incessant need for creating engaging content every day bearing down upon them. It made me feel a bit sad - how Instagram can force us to walk away from our businesses because we just can’t keep it up.
the centre of attention
Being in front of the camera and being the centre of attention suits some people better than others. For those that get a taste for the glow of Instagram fame that comes from being visible - or see that by putting themselves in their content leads to a positive outcome for their business, it’s likely that they will double down on this kind of content and feel happy to keep it up. For others, it remains an awkward and unwanted aspect of content creation and to those, I say there is another way through. It’s true that all of the social media experts are advising that putting ourselves in front of the camera is the best way forward - and possibly from a metrics stand point this is true. But this advice doesn’t take into account the mental health toll that can arise from this strategy or the backlash that can result from too much exposure.
Of course not everyone who photographs or videos themselves for social media is suffering - for some people it is a totally comfortable place to be and their sense of self worth is in no way touched by how many likes, views or comments they get or any possible backlash that might ensue. But I suspect they are in the minority. If the likes stop coming in and you get a sense that people might be talking negatively about you, most people would start to feel a bit down about it. That’s natural. We can feel that way when the content we create doesn’t even involve us personally.
keeping things sustainable
They say the secret to a happy life is one built on sustainable behaviour and I feel that this principle can also be applied to social media. Finding ways forward to make the most of social media as a content creator while still protecting yourself and your private life is achievable.
As time has gone on I have become more measured about my time on Instagram - both creating and viewing. I have always been cautious about using my personal life to create content mainly because I like to have a life that is my own, and I also don’t want my kids to grow up seeing me engineer moments for the gram. I don’t like the idea of us being together enjoying a private moment only to have me interrupt things to capture the moment.
do as I say, not as I do
Most parents I know want their kids to have a healthy relationship with social media - and particularly for girls - to not feel like they have to pose in front of the camera to seek attention and likes. We see the risks of this behaviour, we read articles about how damaging this is on mental health and we want to protect our girls from feeling the need to seek affirmation from others to feel good. We tell them that appearing popular on social media isn’t a good metric of measuring self worth - that they are worth so much more than likes on social media. We see the pitfalls for them so clearly and we want to help them navigate away from a reliance on social media as a primary way of connecting and communicating. We know that social media is designed to keep us coming back for more - providing a dose of dopamine with every interaction and super-charging the feel-good response when the interaction is a direct affirmation of self. We know it is damaging, we fret about the younger generation and we look back at our own childhoods and feel grateful that this pressure didn’t exist for us.
We would be wise to apply this thinking and advice to ourselves too as grown adults. It’s not just our kids we should be worrying about. Under the guise of progressing our businesses, we excuse our actions but they amount to the same thing and our kids are watching and learning from us.
a way forward
To help myself set boundaries on social media there is a simple tactic I like to use, and that is to ask myself an honest question before I post something of myself… “am I thinking about putting myself on social media today because I fancy some attention? or “do I think I’m looking nice today and want others to see that and get some nice comments?” I don’t mind admitting that I ask myself these questions sometimes. Having the ability to self-analyse your intentions and acknowledge when your ego is driving behaviour is a good thing. Perhaps the answer is “yes, I do feel like some attention (which I understand isn’t great) but I’m going to post anyway”. Ok, fine. As long as within yourself you know what is going on and you aren’t pretending it’s anything else, post away. So be it - we’re human. If by asking yourself this question you sometimes pause and don’t post because you realise that ego has been in the drivers seat a little too often recently - then that’s a great outcome too. The aim is to keep sense checking what is going on to stop yourself from falling into the ‘need for attention’ trap - the daily dopamine hit that comes from seeing others send a ‘like’ your way.
That’s one strategy. But what are some alternatives? Well, as many a business and marketing expert will tell you, it’s about creating a marketing plan that includes more than just social media. Email lists are becoming more important (generally because they are proven to work - and possibly, because the social media fatigue is affecting so many that email lists are sexy again).
And then there is our conscious decisions around how much we want to put ourselves on the gram as a way to generate interest in our business. It’s all about finding a balance between what works and what is sustainable. Having a content calendar for this can help with a different colour used to indicate when you plan on including yourself in content so you can see just how often that is becoming the default and make sure that it is tied to a genuine purpose (again, for some businesses their need to appear on their feeds will be intrinsically linked with their content - like fashion for instance. If you are a fashion stylist, chances are almost 100% of your content will feature you in clothes, makes sense). For other businesses, perhaps it’s about finding a greater balance and brainstorming ways to engage with your audience that doesn’t include using yourself.
Maybe there is also an opportunity to redefine what success looks like - of creating a mix of content - some long form (if that’s possible) some short form. Some content with us in it, some without. Connecting in person, on email and on Instagram. Weaving a robust fabric that doesn’t rely on just one element to achieve success. Social media doesn’t need to be ‘one size fits all’ - yes there are learnings from experts on how to grow accounts or achieve greater reach, but we can sift through this advice to find our own equilibrium and in doing so prosper and thrive and keep our mental health in tip top condition for the years to come.
Thanks for dropping by The Edit and spending some time with me today. It’s been good to chat.
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