Why We Need to Ditch the Overachieving Pressure Cooker
by Dr Emma Waddington
Us Therapy
It is completely human to experience self doubt. It happens to all of us. And it can be anything. Not just in the form of ‘am I enough?’ It can be around our parenting, our looks, our work or whether we bought enough food for the week. Heavens, I had an episode of self-doubt this week when a friend asked me if I was doing enough for myself. I suddenly felt unsure. Was I doing enough for myself? She went on to say, just to add insult to injury, ‘you of all people should be practicing what you preach’. This sent me into a mini tailspin.
The next day I met another friend - with my shoulders down and a little embarrassed, I revealed that I didn’t think I was doing enough for myself. Plus, I couldn’t think of any activities to do for myself. My lovely friend turned to me and with a kindly look and a giggle said ‘umm, I think you do! How about having coffee with me now? Or the workouts we do together. What about the date nights or the evenings out with friends?’ Phew, relief, I do do enough things for myself. The weight lifted. For now.
In a world that glorifies and prioritizes success and achievement, many individuals, myself included, are feeling the intense pressure to ‘succeed’ and meet various expectations. These can be in everything we do. How much work or even how much self care! These imposed and perceived pressures are leaving a trail of people struggling with their mental health. The relentless pursuit of external expectations and the constant comparison to societal benchmarks have created an environment where burnout and anxiety thrive.
We have to point a finger (at least one) at social media. The reality is as humans we are always comparing people’s outsides with our insides. And having thousands of people to compare to will compound this feeling of not doing and being enough. And the impact of this overachievement culture is real. It is having detrimental effects on our mental health. The anxiety and stress induced by societal expectations can lead to burnout, depression, and a sense of inadequacy.
We need to recognise that our overachievement culture, promoted by our communities, social media, our bosses and so much of what we read, see and hear, doesn’t promote sustainable success.
What can we do instead? An invitation to lead with what matters
Rather than succumbing to external pressures, individuals could embark on a journey of self-reflection to identify their passions and strengths. It's essential to recognize that success is not a one-size-fits-all concept. By embracing what makes us unique, we can redefine success on our own terms and build a foundation for lasting fulfillment.
Make sure you align your goals with personal interests and values so that the pursuit of success is intrinsically rewarding, promoting a sense of purpose and fulfillment. The work is to focus on process versus outcome.
Breaking free from the toxic overachievement culture involves a paradigm shift – from external expectations to internal fulfillment. By prioritizing mental health, embracing individual strengths, talents, and interests, and setting goals aligned with personal values, one can pave the way for a more authentic and satisfying journey toward success.
And with this, I am off to another coffee but this time without the question of ‘is this self care?’ haunting me….
If you’d like more help finding what really matters to you in your life, reach out to one of Us. We are a team of compassionate and experienced clinicians in the service of helping our community lead fuller and more meaningful lives.
Dr Emma Waddington
PhD, MSc.
Us Therapy
Dr Emma Waddington is a clinical psychologist, founder of Us Therapy who is deeply committed to supporting the community in Singapore as we all navigate life. She has been working and practicing in the field of mental health for twenty years and uses Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and Gottman’s Couples Therapy to work with adults and couples in Singapore. If you’d like a safe space to explore some of your overachievement and striving tendencies, do reach out to Emma or other clinicians at Us who are dedicated to helping our clients live better and more meaningful lives.
Us Therapy
www.us-therapy.sg
email: hello@us-therapy.sg
phone: +65 8118 5590